Monthly Archives: September 2017

September 29, 2017

Are You Attached to Getting Hired?

Focusing on Getting Hired Might Be What's Keeping It From Happening

Ok – let me begin by saying that I know this seems like an obvious question. Isn’t the whole point of putting your talents out there to get hired???

Sure, I get it – everyone wants to be paid for what they’re doing, and in order for that to happen you need for people to hire you / buy your work. But there’s a deeper issue here that might be working against you when it comes to making that happen...

When the objective for you is the actual hiring, something happens in the brain – the mind now perceives the display of your work and talking to people about it as an acceptance-rejection scenario. And primally speaking, that’s a life-or-death situation. This goes back to the age of dinosaurs, when being rejected by your tribe meant living by yourself, and that almost always meant you would have a very low chance of survival. So acceptance by others was paramount to staying alive.

We don’t deal with those conditions anymore, but for many, that primal instinct can still be felt in these acceptance-rejection situations.

This is not an optimal state to be in when you’re selling your work. When the mind perceives something as life-or-death, all kinds of things shift physiologically, psychologically, and emotionally. We can become nervous; we can hesitate; we might try to be whatever we think others want us to be; and we can give off an energy of desperation – we NEED to be hired!!! And to a potential buyer or person who can hire you, that feels weird.

That energy makes people uncomfortable and confused. And this strangeness almost always leads to the same result: no thank you.

It’s a vicious cycle – the more you focus on trying to get hired, the stronger that acceptance-rejection correlation becomes, and the less committed you become to what should really be your focus. And, of course, that means you’re not really showing the essence of who you are and what you have to offer, so people don’t really connect with you, and as result, you get turned down. Ugh!

So what should you be focusing on instead?

If you want to see more successful results, you MUST focus on who you are and what you have to offer.  What makes you special? What makes your product or service special? Why should someone hire you or buy your work?

I can’t tell you how many times I ask someone that question, and they don’t have an answer.  The honest truth is, if you don’t know why I should hire you or buy your product, how on earth are you going to help someone determine if they should hire you or buy your product???

If you can’t give me a solid, grounded, confident answer to the ‘Why should I hire you/buy your product?’ question, you’ve got some work to do. This is essential to your success.

And in order to focus on this, you’ve got to let go of the tight hold on whether or not you’re accepted by someone. Please repeat after me: NOBODY LIKES EVERYONE. There are going to be people who are not interested in you, and there are going to be people who love you.

It is NOT your job to try to convince someone to like you. It is your job to present yourself and what you have to offer in an authentic way, so that there is no confusion – the person either likes you and your work or not. EITHER IS OK!!!

What’s not ok is giving mixed signals, giving a false impression, being inauthentic, and/or not giving someone a chance to truly experience what you can do. That is almost always going to result in a ‘no.’

And letting go of the need for acceptance in order to be ok feels SO much better than the alternative – you can say goodbye to that rollercoaster of emotions that comes with determining whether you’re good enough being based on whether someone says yes or no.

That doesn’t determine whether you’re good or not. And people’s opinions differ on what is “good” and what isn’t.

So if you’d like to hear more yes, give the spotlight to your ability and the fact that it’s you creating it, and let the result of that be whatever it is. Your chances of being successful are exponentially higher if people get to connect with the real you before they have to make a decision.

The bonus? Once you’ve reframed acceptance-rejection as an opportunity to share what you love to do with others, you might just start to enjoy those experiences…

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